Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING
> > > > was going right. Mrs Claus had burned all the cookies.
> > > > The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the
> > > > overtime they had while making the toys. The reindeer
> > > > had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To
> > > > make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a
> > > > spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
> > > > Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to
> > > > deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a
> > > > few hours -
> > > > all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and
> > > > I don't even have a Christmas tree!
> > > > I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a
> > > > tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
> > > > Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and
> > > > stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas
> > > > tree. He says
> > > > "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree
> > > > this year?"
> > > > And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees
> > > > came to pass........
At a medical convention, a male doc, and a female doc start eyeing
>each other. The male doc asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they
>sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her
>After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel
>Just as things get hot, the female doc interrupts and says she has to
>and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the
>interlude, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she
>comes back the male doc says "I bet you are a surgeon". She confirms
>and asks how he knew. "Easy, you're always washing your hands". She
>then says "I bet you're an anaesthesiologist". Male doc: "Wow, how did
>guess?" Female doc: "I didn't feel a thing"
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument
>about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more
>than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
>doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this--When
>ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around,
>pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?
THINGS SWEDES WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE AMERICAN MOVIES
> During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
> strip club at least once.
> All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
> Most dogs are immortal.
> If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
> passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
> All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
> armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
> beside her.
> All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
> It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
> someone in the control tower to talk you down.
> Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
> The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
> place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you
> can travel to any other part of the building you want without
> If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
> ammunition even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
> You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
> the mistake
> of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
> Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
> not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
> If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
> beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
> forthcoming art exhibition.
> The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
> A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
> but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
> If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through
> it before long.
> The Chief of Police is always black.
> When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
> bill - just grab one at random and hand it over.. It will always
> be the exact fare.
> Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
> elsewhere in the universe.
> Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
> night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
> If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
> noises in their most revealing underwear.
> Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always
> say: Enter Password Now.
> Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their
> family every morning even though their husband and
> children never have time to eat it.
> Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
> The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective -
> or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
> A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
> the size of RFK Stadium.
> Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
> Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons
> at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will
> have lost this technology.
> Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
> It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or
> ending phone conversations.
> Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is
> necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from
> left to right every few moments.
> All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
> large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
> It is always possible to park directly outside the building
> you are visiting.
> A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended
> from duty.
> If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you
> bump into will know all the steps.
> Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
> communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
> It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
> involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack
> one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have
> knocked out their predecessors.
> When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head,
> they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
> No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion,
> volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
> Police Departments give their officers personality tests to
> make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their
> total opposite.
> When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English
> to each other.
> You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
> Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in
> seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child
> trapped inside.
> An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will
> cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
> Television news bulletins usually contain a story that
> affects you personally at that precise moment.