If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash !!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.
A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves"
Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And hadgone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM SILICON VALLEY WHEN:
> - You make $120,000 a year, but can't find a place
> - You see nothing but expensive cars because of
> - Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8
>- You stop asking how much things cost and start
>long will it take?"
>- Two-thirds of the people you know are from Boston,
>Raleigh-Durham or New York, but you are living in PST.
>- You know vast and subtle differences between Thai,
>Vietnemese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean
>- Your home computer contains mostly
>isn't on the consumer market yet.
>- You go to "The City" on weekends but don't live
>because you like your car.
>- You think that "I'm going to Fry's Electronics" is
>acceptable excuse to leave the office for a while.
And your boss does
>- You /lost/never had/don't know how to set/ the
>You'll just get to work when you get there.
>- You go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two
>into a fight over what flavor of UNIX is better.
>- You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have
>and/or software companies printed on them. (Bonus for
>- You know where Woz Way, Resistor Ave, and Floppy
>- You know who Woz is.
>- You know Hwy 280 North runs west, and Hwy 680 North
>- Even though Microsoft employs quite a few
programmers in the
>Bay Area, they only work on Powerpoint, and the
company is still
>The embodiment of Satan. (Even if their stock IS
worth more than
>- You see a billboard that says "FGPA2ASIC" and
>- When you need the updated Diamond Monster 3D
>just walk across the street.
>- You have more bandwidth in your apartment or condo
>- You scan yard sales for back issues of "Dr. Dobbs."
>- Your favorite computer reseller speaks only
>- Your workplace vending machines dispense "100%
>twig-bars" right next to Jolt cola and Instant
>- No one brings radios into work - they just use
>listen to thedj.com, rebelradio.com, or other
>- You don't understand how the carpool lanes work
>normally don't commute during those hours.
>- You meet a friend for lunch and the first topic is
>they are working now.
>- You entice prospective employees to join your
>bragging about the speed of your internet connection.
>- You've replaced your box of floppies with a box of
>disks, but that's just until you get your box of Jaz
>- You have completely forgotten how to write longhand.
>-You know it's Christmas Day because the parking lots
>electronics companies are only half full.
>-You have to think twice before you realize that "beta
>blocker" is a medical term, not some new exotic
>-You think Steve Jobs is a "hunk."
>-You have no idea your apartment/house is really
>you haven't seen it during daylight hours in over two
>-If it weren't for Trader Joe's frozen meals, you'd
>-You really meant to change the oil in your car
>-You suddenly realize that the face of the person you
>with-usually a husband or wife-looks really familiar,
>several years older.
>-Your kids grew up and went to college but you're
>still has a standing notation to drop by Toys 'R' Us
to pick up a dozen
>packs of disposable diapers, but they're always
closed when you finally
>get there. (Your kids potty-trained themselves.)
> -You know the name of the manager of every
Starbuck's in a
>-You know that "PARC" isn't some place to walk your
>-Your dog died of inattention.
>-So did your cat.
>-You spend more time checking the value of your stock
>than you do at the gym, but you're still paying $25
monthly for a
>membership to a place you haven't visited in 18
>-You're on a first-name basis with the local Pizza Hut